I'm done

With the unnecessary apologizing. With saying sorry when I don't mean it. With feeling like I need to say something when I actually don't.


In addition to being my new favorite shirt, this phrase has become a motto for me in 2018. I, like many women, apologize too much and for no reason.

I can remember clearly the first time someone brought it to my attention. I was 29 and managing a brewpub in Boulder, Colorado. One of the bartenders, a sweet guy named Davis, heard me say I was sorry for something and asked why I apologized so much. "You're the manager on duty. Unless you're dealing with a customer who found a piece of glass in their drink, you don't need to be apologizing for anything. You call the shots." 

He opened my eyes to something I hadn't realized I was doing. 

It's taken me a long time to break this habit. And it doesn't help that I've moved to a Catholic country where people apologize for everything. The Irish say sorry instead of excuse me. At first I was charmed by it. Now I'm tired of it. Not participating. Opting out of sorry.

I got the shirt pictured above as a Kickstarter reward for backing a movie called Pans, a feminist retelling of Peter Pan, told from Wendy's POV. To the envy of my teammates, I've started wearing the shirt to derby practice. Not apologizing is one of derby's unwritten rules.

rookie match.png

In derby, everyone takes a hit. Everyone falls. It's a part of the game. A rookie friend of mine knocked me over during a drill last week and then skated over to apologize and see if I was alright. I pointed to my shirt and told her not to fucking apologize to me. It was a good hit.

I'm done with it and I'm done with other women doing it. I'm not apologizing for being myself, for doing what makes me happy, for living life on my terms.

I'm not sorry. And you shouldn't be either.