The Waiting is the Hardest Part

I have the job, we have the place to live and all I need now is approval for my work visa. I initially thought the process might take two weeks and crashing at my mother-in-law's place for that long didn't seem too bad. Imagine my surprise when I found out that it could take up to six weeks. Holy shit.

Patience is something I've never been good at but this is a deep dive into the importance of it. Sitting with my impatience, breathing and enjoying the present moment without looking forward, as much as I want to. It's right there. My future. My new life. I can see it. I can almost touch it.

Photo credit: Suzan Bond

Photo credit: Suzan Bond

Instead, the universe is throwing some lessons my way. Looks like I still have lots to learn about waiting and why it's good for me. I'm sure I'll look back at this time as being special, but in the midst of it, I'm struggling.

Waiting sucks.

I thought getting rid of all my stuff and traveling to Ireland would be the hard part. Then, once we accomplished that, I realized finding a job would really be the hard part. But both of those things were cake compared to what I've been doing for the past six weeks: waiting.

The patience it requires to sit by and wait, give up all control over something I want desperately and simply let it unfold. I'm not good at it but the opportunity to practice this skill is a gift. I don't worry about the visa because worrying doesn't do anything.

For me, this time has been a chance to hang out with my son, have dinners with friends, attend yoga classes in the middle of the day, go on trail runs whenever I please, read a shit ton of books, and in the words of Lin-Manuel Miranda, write my way out.

I can see through to the other side, the place where the next chapter starts and yet, I sit here. There's nothing that I can do to make the process go any faster. It reminds me of the last days of being pregnant, when you knew that something exciting was coming but you didn't know when exactly. A work visa is a bit like a baby, in that way. The beginning of something new, the next adventure in life and this thing that I want but must wait for. As I type this, Usher is singing Wait for it. Don't worry Usher, I am.

(And yes, I am currently addicted to the Hamilton Mixtape. It's some of the best money I've spent and since I haven't won the Hamilton lottery, it's the closest I'll probably get to the show.)

My meditation coach tells me that there's a reason for me being in NYC and that I'm learning important lessons. I agree. I'm open to it all. She also told me that I'm going to be much stronger when I go back to Ireland and of that, I have no doubt.

Danielle Laporte wrote a post on active waiting and while the entire thing spoke to me, this gem really resonated...

“Take solace in the fact that you’ve done all that you can do. This is a really gratifying place to be in. You’ve put in your time, you’ve pulled all the strings you can reach. You’ve lined up your ducks, planted your seeds. Nuthin’ to do now but… wait. You’ve shown up. You’ve met the universe halfway. Good job. Focus on the rest of your life now.”

Waiting, whether for your future to start or the light to change, gives us a chance to appreciate what we have & be grateful. The future will take care of itself. But what we do in the present moment is what makes us human.